Just a little love
by yuriqueen143
Summary: Peridot and lapis have been doing better but peridot still feels guilty about the things she's done. she's having feelings she never had before and she needs some help. will she be able to get the help she needs or will her pride get in her way. ( btw this isnt a fanfic where peridot and garnet fuse)
1. chapter 1

**hey guys this isnt a chapter. just a little info before i start. first off yes its a lapis and peridot Fusion story.**

 **I added garnet because I see garnet kinda like a mom or big sister to peridot and she will have a big impact on the story.**

 **I was thinking about adding some amethyst and pearl shipping. I don't if i will because i would like to focus on lapis and peridot.**

 **I this will have some depressing thoughts in feelings in the story I will warn u when these things are come. helpfull comments are welcome if point out some mistakes i don't mind at all.**


	2. chapter one

**chapter one**

 **ok guys I'll start off with peridot's perspective. this will start off a little depressing sorry.**

 **Peridot :**

I slowly walked around the field's around the barn. It was late at night and all the stars were out. After talking to garnet I started star gazing, it helped me relax and think. Thinking, i had been doing a lot of that lately. I thought about alot of things, but what I thought about the most was me. The things I've done and how I treated people, seemed to bother me. At first I told myself I was just following orders, but even that didn't sit will with me.

I sat in the grass and ran my fingers thorough it. Everything on the earth had a purpose no matter how small it is, thats what steven had told me. But what was mine, I tried doing all sorts of things in the barn, I even made a field full if human food. Lapis seemed to enjoy these things, and so did I a little. But I couldn't shake the feeling that i was useless.

Yes i could build lots of things that would make any human jump with joy, but any clod could do that. I wanted to do something that matted, no I wanted to be someone that mattered.

I shook my head, I did matter. I had to matter, if i didnt what was the point of being alive...

" _I matter don't_ _I ?"_ I got up and walked up and walked back to the barn. Lapis was in a Corner cuddling with pumpkin, she gave me a silent wave and I waved back. I walked over to my bed that steven gave us, me and Lapis both have one. At first I was against it, but steven said sleeping was a great way to past the time.

I slowly layed down and closed my eyes, sleep came quickly.

 **ok thats chapter one please tell me what you think thanks.**


	3. Chapter 2

**chapter 2**

 **ok first i want to thank everyone who read my story it means alot and ill try to fix my mistakes thanks for the fed back.** **this will have more depression.**

 **peridot :**

I was woken up by a ray of light on my face. It felt nice to feel the heat on my face.

I slowly got up and made my way outside. It was nice outside, it was perfect for a walk. My walk started off great, I even found a really pretty plant. I think steven called them flowers, this one was the same color as Amethyst.

The flower was small, but it was pretty. The longer I looked at the flower the more my mind wondered, what was its purpose? It was so small it coundn't it really be useful, could it? I started thinking of Amethyst she was short like me, yet she wasn't useless, she could do lots of things. Even steven was capable of doing things I couldn't.

I crushed the flower and started walking back to the barn. Walks always made me feel better, but today I regret taking that walk.

As I walked back, a familiar voice began to enter my head. I didnt know who the voice belong to, but it gave me nothing but trouble. It started about 3 months ago and everytime it came around it gave me trouble.

 _"they hate you Peridot."_

 _" that's not true"_

 _"they only keep you around because of steven"_

 _"so what, at least steven cares"_

 _" He only feels bad for you,he knows how useless you are"_

 _"I'm not useless, I'm important."_

 _"you were never imlortant Peridot..."_

I walked faster, I was almost to the barn. I would do something to get this voice out of my head once I got there. I wasn't paying attention and tripped, I landed on my knees.

 _" Pathetic you can't even walk right, you really are useless!"_

 _" No I'm not !"_

 _"but you are and you know. Think about it Peridot you were made to follow orders and failed, you have a Jasper escort you and failed to even bring her back. You even failed at destroying the cluster, if it wern't for steven the earth would have been destroyed."_

I sat on the ground and let the words sink in, everything that was said was true. I couldn't do a single thing on my own. I always needed help, I really was...useless.

I could feel tears on my face, It wasn't true, I had to be useful for something.

 _" You are useless Peridot I bet homeworld has already replaced you."_

 _" no ...thats not true"_

 _" Why are you even trying to fight me Peridot? you wont win your not strong enough."_

 _"you will always be useless peridot and you know why? Its because no one will ever want you."_

 _I_ cold chill went through my body. I cried even harder, I cried because I knew it was true, every word. I was already replaced, I wasn't strong enough to fight, no one would ever need me.

I cried and cried, for I don't know how long. My eyes hurt from the crying, so did my head. I wanted to stop Crying but the thought of really being useless hurt.

I was crying so hard that my head started to spin. Everything was blurry and I couldn't see. The voice in my head was louder now, almost yelling at me that i was useless. I started yelling back, I wanted the voice to stop, I wanted this all to stop. Suddently Everything went black and I passed out, but the last thing I heard was my name being called warm arms holding me.

 **ok im ending it here but ill make a third chapter tonight soo yaaaaay. ok im out peeps**


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

 **I'm back guys so yaaay ok lets get to the story once again sorry for my shity spelling.** **Im also sorry for taking so long. for some reason it wouldnt save ive written this like 5 times.before it even saved.**

 **Lapis:**

Today had been a slow day, I spent most of it flying around enjoying the view below. I always loved the way I could glide through the sky. When I got tired I went back to the barn that me and peridot shared. Four months ago I would have Hated the idea of living with Peridot, But I was surprized at how well we got along. I smiled a little, Peridot was always trying to make projects out of anything.

All I had to do was say something and Peridot would go all out, just to make sure I was happy, it was extremely cute. I landed by the barn door and scanned the room. I noticed immediately Peridot wasn't here, Pumpkin was asleep in a conner but no Peridot. I looked around the outside of the barn and still couldn't see her.

I went back to the barn, Peridot had to be somewhere. At first I thought she went for a walk, she loved to take walks. That had to be it Peridot only left the barn for walks and star gazing, she would be back soon. I sat with pumpkin and enjoyed the calm feeling of silence. I fell asleep for a bit, but i was woken but up because of pumpkin.

Pumpkin was growling and barking, at what?, I had no idea. but he ( im guessing pumpkin is a boy) was freaking out about something. " What is it boy?" I asked, I didnt know if he could understand me but I had to know what the problem was. I asked him lots of things that could be wrong, but Pumpkin seemed to be telling me I was wrong.

Pumpkin suddently ran out into the field, Of course I ran after him, Peridot would be upset if he went missing. Pumpkin was almost in arms reach when I heard yelling and crying, it was so loud it made me stop in me stop in my tracks. I looked around to find the source of the yelling, It was coming not to far from the field. I started walking towards the yelling and when I saw who it was I almost cried. Peridot's small body was curled up into a ball, I called out her name making sure it was really her.

she was breathing hard and I didnt know what to do but grab her. So I did, I picked her up bridal style and flew to steven's house.As I flew I could feel her tears on my neck, I could also her low sniffles. I was so scared, Finding Peridot in the field put my mind on a wild trip. Did someone hurt her? Someone must have, What eles could have happened. I landed in the sand harder than I thought, sand went everywhere.

I ran the rest the way of the way and was met by the bottom steps by steven and the crystal gems.

"Hey Lapis wha- " Steven tried to say but I cut him off.

"Steven I need your help somethings wrong!" I didn't mean to yell but I did, I was really worried. Steven's whole faced changed from happy to worried. "what's wrong" Pearl asked.

"It's Peridot I don't know exactly what's wrong, but ik somethings wrong." I said, hearing that come out my own mouth made me even more worried. "Come on" Steven said "Lets go in the house and see whats wrong"

Once we were all in the house i sat down on the couch, still holding Peridot in my arms. Steven asked me everything that I knew and if I knew anything that could have caused this. When I was finshed Steven shook his head, " I have no idea Lapis, I don't know how or why she was in the field."

I nodded but didnt say anything, I just pulled Peridot closer to me. I felt a warm and on my shoulder, I looked up to find Garnet looking down at me. Garnet always made me feel uneasy but overall, left me alone if I left her alone. I quickly looked back down at peridot, what ever had happened didnt seem to be bothering her anymore. I was glad she was fine now, but what happened? I thought about this for a long time.

 **(time skip)**

I woke up to find myself still on steven's couch. I felt so cold, and the reason was Peridot was gone. I looked around the house as fast as I could, I finally found her locked in a small room right under steven's room. "Peridot!" I yelled, " Open the door". I didn't get a response from her at all. I started banging my fist against the door yelling for her to come out. When i still didn't get a response I decided that I was breaking the door down.

I was inches away on the door, but my arm was stop short. I looked back to see Garnet standing behind me, staring at me through her shades. I quickly snatched my arm out of her hand, and gave her an annoyed look. We both sat in silence, staring at each other. Garnet was the first one to bzreak the silence. " Lapis" she said " I know your worried but Peridot will have to come out on her own, breaking the door is not the answer.

"How do you know" I asked, I didn't fully trust her but I trust her more than other Crystal Gems. "Because I know how your feeling, worried right?" She asked. I nodded, I was so worried I almost felt sick. She took off her shades and I could see tears in all three of her eyes. " Come sit Lapis" she told me, " Peridot needs to be alone right now, She'll tells us what happened but she will need time." I nodded again, there wasn't much to say I know she was right but I wanted to know now. I want to know what happened, that why I can make sure it never happens again.

Sadly I knew how Peridot was when bad things happened, If i was going to wait it was going to be a while. But that was ok, Peridot was worth waiting for. I smiled alittle as I sat back on the couch, Garnet gave me a questioning look.

" why are you smiling? " she asked. "Because I just realized just how much I care about Peridot." I said smiling. Garnet smiled back.

 **ok sorry guys. I was trying to upload this but it didnt want to work and I had to rewrite this like five times anyways thanks for reading ill make another one soon.**


	5. Chapter 4

hello wonderful people sorry for the holdup im also writting a story on wattpad and its hard making two story's at once. anyway im sorry for the wait and ill try to update more often.

chapter 4 Lapis:

I had been waiting three hours for Peridot to come out, During that time me and Garnet talked. I found out alot about Garnet, like how she loves jokes. " There a great way make people feel better when their sad." I remember her saying. We talked about more mindless stuff then she asked me what was my worse fear. At first it caught me off guard, I felt my body tense up. An uneasy feeling bubbled in my stoumch. I looked up at garnet, I could trust her right. Besides keeping me locked up she never gave me a reason to not trust her.

" Being alone again." I said, " I don't think I could deal with being alone again, what about you." " Easy" she said as she fixed her shades, "Being split apart, being fused is the second best thing to happen to me." I gave her a confused look, "what's the first one?" I asked. she gave me a big smile and said "watching steven grow up and be happy." I smiled back, even if I wasn't there every moment steven had been alive I did like watching him do amazing things and make friends.

As we continue to talk , I heard a small Creek come from the door. I turned around and there was Peridot, I was so happy to see her that I flew off the couch, then picked her up and hugged her tightly. "Nice to see you to lapis." I heard her mumble, I looked at her to see her small little smile. I let go of her and sat her on the ground. "Are you ok? " I asked, " I was worried about you Peridot." she nodded her head.

she didn't seem like talking much, which was weird because she did most of the talking for both of us. I wanted to ask about what had happened, but I remember Garnet saying she would need space. So as much as it annoyed me, I didnt ask her anything about what had happened, If she wanted me to know she would tell me right? Before I could get to lost in thought, I felt someone tugging on my arm. I looked over and saw Peridot looking up at me, " can we go home?" she asked, "sure" i said. We both said are goodbyes to Garnet and I started to fly us home.

( !!!!!!!!WARNING!!!!!!! CRAZY SHIT COMING UP IF YOU DONT LIKE DEPRESSING THOUGHTS AND ACTION WHY ARE U EVEN READING THIS ) but fr I just want to give you a heads up that this next part is sad and will make you think things you never have thought about when it comes to Garnet...well unless your me.

Garnet:

It was shortly after Lapis and Peridot left that I started to feel worried once again. I walked into my room in the temple and let my self get lost in my thoughts.

I could feel Ruby becoming angry again. Sapphire was doing her best but calming Ruby down isn't something thats done easily.

sapphire: ruby calm down

Ruby: I can't, what if something happens and someone gets hurt.

Sapphire: We dont know that something bad will happen.

Ruby: We also don't know something. bad won't happen now do we.

Sapphire: Your right but I need you to calm down, I understand your worried.But getting angry won't help anyone.

Ruby: your right..I..I just don't want things from the past to repeat. I was there to stop you but..what if there's no one to stop her.

Sapphire: It won't happen to Peridot, she has Lapis. As long as she has her, Peridot will be fine.

Ruby: ok but-

Sapphire: no buts, Look as long as Peridot knows Lapis loves her, she'll be fine.

Ruby: ...is that why you did it, did you think I didn't love you?

Sapphire: Ruby I don't-

Ruby: Tell me Sapphire I want to know.

Sapphire: Ruby This isn-

Ruby: Tell me! did you think I didn't love you?

Sapphire:...

Ruby: hmmm fine.

I could now feel Ruby trying to tear herself away from Sapphire. I could feel how hurt she was, how confused she felt. But it didn't matter how much Ruby tried pull away, Sapphire only pulled her closer.

Ruby: LET GO!

Sapphire: NOT UNTIL YOU CALM DOWN.

Ruby: I AM CALM !!!

Sapphire: NO YOUR NOT.

With one last tug Ruby managed to pull herself away from Sapphire, resulting in both of them flying across the room. I could fill my physical form disappearing Into Thin Air, then I was gone.

no ones perspective

Ruby's head hurt from her hitting the wall. she slowly got up only to be tackled back on to the floor by Sapphire. She was going to yell but stopped when she felt wet tears on her sholder. she slowly push Sapphire away so she could look at her, she pushed her Sapphire's hair back and looked into her eye.

Sapphire looked back and could see just how bad she had hurt the gems feelings. "I..I'm sorry. I knew you loved me and I know you still do, but talking about what happend then makes me feel scared." she pulled Ruby closer to her and whisper "I love you and I know you love me Ruby." Ruby hugged back and said " Ok but don't you every forget that I love you, and never do what you did again." With that said the gems fused once again forming Garnet. Garnet heard the steven and the other gems return.she would have to think situation later, for now for now she would have to deal with her favorite gem-hybrid. she slowly made her way to the door, hoping that Peridot would be ok, and that she really wouldn't consider ending her own life.

 **yaay I finshed. I was thinking of making this chapter longer but my evil little brother( hes one year old ) had other plans he thinks that taking my phone while I'm writing the story is very amusing so I had to cut a little short so that I didn't have to fight at child. jkjk I wouldn't really fight a child...or would I?**


	6. Chapter 5

**Hello once again wonderful people. lets start this chapter. Yes this chapter will have some depression.**

 **Chapter 5:**

 **Peridot:**

Lapis took her time flying us home, part of me liked, but another part if me hated it. I just wanted to go home and sleep, it wasn't dark outside yet but I could still feel the need to sleep. Finally we landed at the barn, I quickly made my way to my little bed on my side if the barn.I layed down and closed my eyes, I was hoping sleep would come easy but it didn't. I couldn't feel safe, I felt on edge and coudn't figure out why. I sighed and got up, so much for sleeping, what about T.V? No I had watched everything about 10 times now, what eles was there to do. If I could sleep this would be so much easier, But I couldn't even if i wanted to.

It wasn't dark enough to go star gazing and I don't think I'll be taking a walk anytime soon, so i decided to just sit there and think. I thought about alot of things, mostly about what had happened earlier. But I also thought about me and Lapis. After all I had done to her she took me to steven for help, It didnt make sense to me. Did she do it out of kindness or was it something she do for anybody. No it couldn't be that,Lapis wasn't nice enough to do it for anybody.

"Why did you do it?" I asked myself out loud, "Am I important to you or did you just feel sorry for me". I didn't expect an answer but I kinda wanted one. Why didn't she leave me there, did she care about me? Part of me hoped she did, another part didn't want her to. If she does care I don't think I deserve her, I don't deserve anything but to be alone. I never did anything Worthy to have friends or have someone to care for me. I just wish things were a little easier.

 **ok im ending it here sorry once again for the wait. Ill update soon thanks for reading**


	7. Chapter 6

**sorry for the long wait not going to give you excuses for why it took so long. but i will Try to update my story much faster.**

 **Chapter 6 Lapis:**

It had been. Two weeks since I found peridot in the field, and I was starting to worry about Peridot. She wasn't the same anymore, instead of bothering me every second of the day she kept to herself and didn't say much. At first I liked how quiet it was but now its starting to tearing me up inside. With a heavy sigh I looked over at Peridot, I wanted to know what was wrong. But I had Promised myself that Id let her have her space. But it didn't seem like she wanted my help, it seemed like she actually avoiding me.

I shook my head, why would she be avoiding me. " _She's just sad_ " I told my self, " jUst give her time." and I left it at that. I got up and walked to the barn door, steven said he wanted to see me and Peridot today and I wanted to bring somethings things out so comfortable. I went to the back of the barn and took out the table we had used for steven and his crazy human uncle. I also brung out this old video game steven's dad had let us keep. It was a funny looking device, it was in the shape of a rectangle and had big botton on the front the turned green when you touched it.

Thinking about the game made me think about Peridot. When greg first brought it over, Peridot didn't really like it but after a while of playing with steven she loved it. Her favorite was minecraft, she'd sit there all day playing that game. I didn't like the game much, I really hated the creepers they always blew up my stuff. I walked inside the barn to find Peridot, mabye she would like to play. "Hey Peridot wanna play" I said shaking the controller my hand. she only looked at me for a second and said "No I don't" she said. Her voice sounded empty and cold, It worried me alot. Before I could even respond I heard my name being yelled, I looked and saw steven running towards me. I also saw the other crystal gems, I I won't say that I wasn't glad to see them, but I would have liked if Steve had told me they were comimg.

I was greeted by a hug from Steven and from Amethyst. Pearl gave me a smile and a wave and garnet gave me a small head nod. It was nice to see Steven and his friends, I didn't have much to offer besides a place to sit and the video games but no one seemed to mind. "so Lapis is it always this quiet?" Pearl asked "sometimes" I said " if Peridot isn't building something it's usually very peaceful around here." "Hey where is P-dog at Lapis?" Amethyst asked. I pointed in the barn, "she just sitting in there? why?" Steven asked. I could feel the tears forming in my eyes. "I don't know steven, she just sits there and doesn't say anything" I said, as I forced myself not to cry. " I- I'll be back steven" And without saying much eles I flew quickly into the sky.

 **Garnet:**

"Did I say something wrong?" steven asked. Pearl quickly made sure steven understood that it wasn't his fault. But I could tell he thought he had done something,so I quickly spoke up. "Steven this isn't your fault, Lapis and peridot are going through a tough time, you said nothing wrong."

" Okay but is there any way we can help them?" He asked. I alsays loved how he always wanted to help someone, always doing anything to help. " Sadly no, your to young to help this time Steven" He looked hurt when I said this, but I could see he understood.

"How about I go talk to Peridot" I said, steven's eyes lit up and I could easily see the excitement his face. I smiled and walked into the barn, only to find Peridot sitting in a conner on a bed. she turned around only for a second and turned back around when she realized it was only me. "Hello Peridot" I said "how are you feeling?"

"fine now please leave." she said. I could clearly see she wasn't fine. "Peridot you don't hav-" "shut up and leave" She said cutting me off "I don't want to talk to any of you. now leave." Now she was turned around and glaring at me, I was a little taken back. I was use to Peridots angry outburt,But was diffrent.She wasn't just angry, I could see in her eyes she was dealing with lots of emotions she didn't even know about.

I guess I got lost in thought, because a secound later a saw a paint can coming towards my face. I caught it in time and looked at Peridot. she was now standing up and holding a second paint can, "I told you to leave" she growled "I don't want you in here." I knew there was no point of staying, she wouldn't listen even if i wanted her to. I dropped the paint can and left. It hurt a knowing I couldn't do anything to help Peridot, she was like a little sister to me and i wanted to help her. But I knew I couldn't, You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.

When I got back to the others Steven and amethyst were playing video games while pearl watched. Lapis sat by herself with her eyes closed. I sat down beside her, watching steven and the others. " How did it go with Peridot?" she asked, opening her eyes. " ..not good." I said, "she didn't want to talk to me" " Yea she's been acting distant towards me as well" Lapis said, she sounded like she was going to cry again. I looked and could tell she had been crying a little, and that she was indeed holding back. more tears. I put a hand on her sholder in a attempt to somehow comfort her. It seemed to work a little because she thanked me. Soon it was time for us to leave We all waved Lapis good bye and went on are way.

 ** _( later that night)_**

 **Lapis:**

Once again I sat with Peridot on the barn, Peridot was here but still she refused to look at me. I decided I was going to talk to her, so a made my way across the barn. I sat down next to peridot, she mumbled something but I wasn't able to hear it. "Go away Lapis" she said, I hadn't even started talking. " Come on Peri, I'm worried about u"

"go worry about something eles then" she said. "Peridot will you please talk to me, I want to help" she gave me an angry look, " You want to help? help me by leaving me alone." "Peridot.." "Better yet" she yelled and stood up, " How about I leave." I was shocked, she had gotten so angry in just a couple of seconds. Peridot had walked out door so I ran after her. I grabbed her arm and made her look at me. "What is your problem I'm trying to help you" I yelled, I didn't mean to but I was upset at the way she was acting. "Get off me now!!", Peridot yelled. "No why won't you talk to me, I'm trying to be your friend I'm trying to help."

"I don't want you to be my friend Now let go of me!!" Before I could even process what she said, I felt something heavy and cold it me on the back of my head hard. I fell on the ground face first, The last thing I saw was Peridot running away from me then I passed out.

 **ok guys im sorru for the last chapter I made, that was a shity chapter. I tried harder in this one tell me what u think.**


	8. Chapter 7

**hey Im back, I was have trouble logining in and stuff. And This wil** l **be a little short ill make the next one longer.**

 **Chapter 7**

 **Peridot:**

I was running so fast my chest was starting to hurt, but I didn't stop until I was sure I was far from Lapis. when I stopped I had no Idea where I was, But I liked the veiw. I could see everything from up here, I could even see Stevens house and...the barn. I quickly looked away, I didn't feel good about what I had said or done. Even so I didn't want to be around them anymore, Just talking to them made me feel weird. I sometimes felt angry, but alot of the time I felt very sad.

Sometimes it got to the point where I didn't move out of bed for a whole day. It got worse when I was around Lapis, I wanted to be more than some usless gem that lapis had to deal with. I didn't want to depend on Lapis, steven or anyone. I had to prove yellow diamond wrong, and that stuipd voice wrong too. I didn't sleep that night, instead I watched the stars. Sleep was something I use to like, but now it only brought bad thoughts instead of good ones.so I stopped Sleeping.

Before I knew it morning had come. I could see the starts fading into the bright sky, It looked beautiful. For a second I was Happy, I loved the way the colors mixed together. But I came crashing back to reality, As I remember the first time I saw the planet. That memory was also followed by others. I could feel tears in my eyes, Had I really fooled myself into thinking steven and his friends cared about me? I was just a gem they where trying to stop, without steven's pity i'd still be in the bubble.

I cried for a while then got up to see that a couple of humans where outside and doing things. I remember steven saying that alot of humans have jobs.So many thoughts ran through my mind, But instead of trying to understand the thoughts I just left them alone. I was afraid of what I would find if I try to understand them. Before I made my way down the hill, I found myself taking a long look at the barn.

My chest began to hurt again, guilt be coming fresh thought in my mind. Guilt was then replaced with anger. I didn't know why or who i was anger at, but I did know it was better than feeling sad. I walked down the hill and started walking. I didn't know where I was going, but as long as it was away from the crystal gems and Lapis, I could care less.

 **ok soooo sorry for taling so long. like I said before I was having trouble logging in, and even publishing this. by the way who's perspective should I write next chapter lapis or garnet**


	9. Chapter 8

**Back at it again making story's and shit. ok this story wont be long so don't you dare start hating me.**

Chapter 8

Peridot

It has been almost a week and The truth was I was really starting to miss lapis. I started regretting running away, but how could I ever go back after I said those things to her. she didn't deserve someone like me she didn't deserve someome so useless.So instead of going home I sat behind a trash can in a alley.

I sat there just thinking about what to do next should I go home, or should I stay away. I wanted to see lapis so bad but what if she didn't want to see me. I'm positive after the way I've just treated her there is no way she would forgive me.How could I blame her for not wanting to see me.

I have put her through so much pain. I was surprise that she forgave me the first time. all she tried to do was help, but I still pushed her away. I always felt deep pain in my chest when I think about what I've done.

Part of me one of the pain to go away, but another part told myself I deserve this pain. This Is My Punishment for all the pain I ever caused anyone. but I would have to admit the pain was better than the voices I heard.

They always came at night or when I try to sleep relax, always reminding me the pain of called the others, how useless I am or how I'll never be anything.

Even sleeping was painful, even though I didn't need sleep, It helped past the time. but all it did now was show me things I didn't want to see. They were mostly about Lapis. The dreams always seem so real, it always scared me because what if they did become real.

I want her back so bad but what could I do now? I was still useless, still unable to stand up for myself, still unable to tell someone else how I feel. I wanted to tell myself to get up, that I could show her that I really did care about her. but I know I wouldn't, so I sat there alone in the alley.

Lapis

It's been about a week, and the only thing that's been on my mind is Peridot. I miss her goofy smile, and how she was always excited and happy to be around me. what happened played over and over again in my head, it still didn't seem real. I just couldn't believe this had happened.

Was I really that bad of a friend, well I really not that important to her. I had thought changed, that maybe I could really be friends with her. That maybe she could love me and that I can love her. There was so much pain in my heart knowing that Peridot Couldn't love me.

Steven and the gems have stopped by a couple times, but I was in no mood to see them. I simply ignored them, there's only one person I cared about and she wasn't here, so what was the point of talking to anyone else. spent some nights crying thinking about her, and other nights looking for her.

I wasn't very familiar with Beach City yet, so was hard to really look for her. I guess I could have asked even or maybe the gems. but my pride wouldn't let me. but still I look for as best as I could, but then I thought about something that made me want to cry even more.

If she had wanted to be found she would have made it easy for me to find for me to find her. which meant that she didn't want to see me.It hurt think that but what else could be the reason for not seeing her.

another reason could be she didn't feel safe with me. why would she? she seen that I'm a monster, I was a fool to think that she loved me to begin with. why would she love a gem like me.

I pushed her away, when she wanted to be my friend. I'd hurt her when she was only trying to help. but she knew I had forgiven her right , she knew that I cared about her right? That was in the past that didnt matter. Right?

What type of friend am I? I sat for a while thinking about that question. I was sometimes mean but I cared about Peridot. I cared alot, and I need her to know that. so I got up and swallowed my pride. I made my way out the barn then flew to Steven's house. I was going to make sure Peridot knew just how much I cared about her.

 **told you this would be short. so untill next time peeps. Mac dog out**


	10. Just an update

**hello my lapidot lovers i will be making a new chapter soon. how school and life has been going so far i havent had th energy to write anything so plz dont be angry ill have at least two new chapters befor Christmas. also ill be writting a new story shortly after this one. it will be a mlp fanfiction. I might do a human au or just keep them as ponies idk yet.** **Mac dog out**


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